comparing yourself

STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS

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” Enjoy your own life without comparing it with that of another.” – Marquis de Condorcet

“COMPARING “- IT’S NATURAL HUMAN TENDENCY

If you looked at the strengths of others, and compared them to your weaknesses, do you think you’d be doing justice to yourself? How do you think this would make you feel? Probably, horrible.

The issue here is, most of us, do this at one time or another — and some of us do so quite often.

It’s a perfect recipe for decreasing your self-confidence and increasing your unhappiness.

Let’s say I take a look at someone who creates incredible art and I look at my art skills, and realise that I am not any good compared to them. In fact, my artwork is pretty pathetic.

SIDE EFFECTS OF COMPARING !

However, this is not a fair comparison. Just because I don’t match up to their skills, doesn’t mean I should stop creating art, or that I should get depressed or jealous or resentful. Instead, if I looked at my strengths which are writing useful posts and blogs, I would realise that I have a lot to offer, a lot to be happy about.

And that’s so vital for our personal growth — being able to look at your strengths, and see your value. It’s actually one of the keys to finding success, because if you don’t see your worth and value, you will be unmotivated, and won’t believe in yourself.

Now let’s take a look at what’s wrong with comparing yourself with others:

  • Like I already said, it’s usually an unfair comparison to start with. As a result, you’ll always come off not good enough if you look at someone’s strengths (including materialistic things) and your weaknesses.

 

  • Even if you compare strength to strength, there will always be those who are better than you and those who are worse. Where you are on the ladder of success has nothing to do with anyone else’s achievements.

 

  • If you do well in comparison with others, you may be superficially inflated from this comparison. It’s a very short-lived boost of ego which does more harm than good.

 

  • You end up resenting others for doing well which is not the best thing for personal growth.

 

  • Mostly, you may end up talking about your own achievements more than is necessary and no one appreciates that.

 

  • One may criticise someone in public, trying to knock them down because internally you feel inferior to them and hence externally try to pull them down. This might happen quite unintentionally because of how your mind thinks about yourself.

HOW TO STOP THIS PHENOMENON OF COMPARISON?

Let’s look at how to stop this phenomenon and put a brake on comparisons

Here are some tips I’ve found useful:

  • Awareness –  Most of the time we do these comparisons without realizing we’re doing it. It’s a natural act, I suppose. Hence, it’s something that is done without consciousness. So, the solution is to become conscious and to bring these thoughts to the forefront of your consciousness by being on the lookout for them.

 

  • Stop yourself- Once you realise, you’re comparing, give yourself a pause. Don’t feel bad for doing so — just acknowledge the thought, and then gently change your focus.

 

  • Count your blessings– A better thing to focus on is what you do have, on what you are already blessed with. Think about how lucky you are to have all that you have, to have the people in your life who love you and care about you, to be alive at all. Show gratitude.

 

  • Focus on your strengths – Instead of looking at your weaknesses, identify your strengths. Celebrate them! Don’t brag or show off, but feel good about them. Work on using them to your best advantage.

 

  • Be okay with imperfection, Nobody is perfect — intellectually, we all know that. However, emotionally we seem to feel bad when we don’t reach perfection. You aren’t perfect today and you never will be. I surely am not, and I’ve learned to be okay with that. Sure, keep trying to improve, because there is always room for growth. But don’t fool yourself into thinking you’ll ever be the “perfect person”. If you look at it in a different perspective, that your imperfections are what makes you real; who you are, then you’ll realise that you already are perfect.

 

  • Don’t pull others down – Sometimes we tend to criticise others just to make ourselves look or feel better. Taking someone else down for your benefit is self-destructive. Make an honest attempt to support others in their success — that will lead to more success.

 

  • Focus on the journey- Don’t focus on how you do in comparison to others; life is not a competition. It’s a journey. We are all on a journey, to find something, explore something, to become something, to learn and to create. Our journey has nothing to do with how well others are doing, or what they have achieved. However, it has everything to do with what we want to do, and where we want to go. That’s all you need to worry about.

“To love is to stop comparing.” – Bernard Grasset

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