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Spiritual Talks – Forgiveness, Detachment and Unconditional Love!

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A meaningful conversation with Charisma Phatak, who is Supreme Reiki Co-founder, Life Coach, Bach flower Therapist, Certified Energy Healer, Spiritual Counselor, Writer, Intuitive Reader. Hope you enjoy reading Frequently Asked Questions.

 Manas: Can you explain the concept of Forgiveness and how can you forgive when the hurting memories are still there?

Charisma:  Forgiveness simply means letting go of the painful past. You may say that you have forgiven the person, yet stuck in that painful past. You may even say that you have forgiven yourself but feel guilty of your mistakes. No, that’s not forgiveness at all. When I say forgiveness is letting go, it means – letting go of the pain & being liberated from the sufferings and then no longer being affected by the situation or the person. This is forgiveness!

The forgiveness can be made simple once you introspect the situation or the person who has hurt you, as the Blessing in Disguise. You gotta understand that only tough situations, mould us from the core, you gotta accept the fact that only through painful situations one can evolve to the Greatest Being. Moreover, everything in life is either a blessing or a lesson. This statement is beautifully put up in one line, but this is the Absolute Truth. In Buddhism there is a symbol called Unalome which means, that the journey to enlightenment is filled with missteps, hurts, failures etc and I have seen people having this symbol tattooed as a reminder to themselves, to forgive and let go. So get down, introspect, open the doors of heart and mind, seek the answers and you will surely get them. I can place a bet, you will eventually feel grateful to them, for teaching you a lesson and compelling you to evolve and transform.

Manas: But the memory or memories will still be there. Won’t they affect you?

Charisma: The memories can never be erased however the pains can be deducted. That’s the real forgiveness, and you gotta work on it to liberate yourself from the Sufferings through introspection. Forgiveness is a verb – the action that you gotta do. If you have chosen peace for yourself, then forgiveness is very simple and easy thing for you. I am sure you would agree with the fact, that none can ever hurt us except our own expectations!

Manas: Right..!

Manas : Can it be done through self healing?

Charisma: Of course meditation, self healing via forgiveness prayer or Ho’oponopono technique, opens mind and heart to view our life from a higher perspective, to perceive incidents from a positive level, to understand the lessons, to erase the pain and be liberated self from sufferings.

Manas: What about Unconditional Love? How can you love unconditionally when deep negative memories of past relationship issues are still there in you?

Charisma: Unconditional love simply means having zero expectations from anyone, which can be instilled only when you have dissolved your ego, judgmental mind and unaffected with all influences of life like societal conditioning, laws, jealousy, greed, fear, possessiveness, insecurity etc.

To check whether you have instilled unconditional love, you gotta ask yourself whether you have loved yourself Unconditionally? Whether you have considered yourself as a Divine Perfect Unique Creation? Whether you have accepted yourself as a complete package? Whether you have realized that your existence is truly very important to entire cosmos?

It’s because when you have loved yourself Unconditionally, accepted yourself as Divine Perfect Unique Creation, you will then only be able to love others Unconditionally, accept them as a complete package with all their positive qualities and flaws, because whatever they do – good or bad, it won’t matter to you as you harbour neither judgments nor ego. Their reactions, their behavior will no longer affect your life.

Manas: What does it feel like to be in unconditional love?

Charisma: Whatever you are, you are perfect.. That’s unconditional love! Whatever you do, my love will not change. That’s unconditional love. Because I have no expectations from you and anyone. It’s like when unconditional love becomes your quality, you only believe in GIVING love, joys, happiness to everyone. You become the source of love, joys, happiness. You no longer expect others to give you love or keep you happy.

Manas: Lovely, so what exactly is detachment? How can you be detached when you have still got strong desires in you?

CharismaDetachment simply means being unaffected – from desires, ups and downs of life, losses etc , which is possible through Daily Meditation & Healing. Because when you meditate, you are centering yourself in the Wheel of Life, controlling your own life. Imagine if you are at the circumference of Wheel oLife…You see any life challenges or tough situations or hurts, failures etc. can blow you out completely.  So when you meditate, you center and align your mind with soul and body. When you bond with the spirit within, you get detached from worldly influences, and you are able to get the bird view of your life, you get the clarity of life, you learn lessons faster, you make less mistakes, and that’s how how you don’t get yourself entangled in webs of attachments, desires, expectations etc . So don’t you think you are getting better control of your thoughts, emotions and life via meditation and detachment?

Manas: Yes, getting the point now.

Manas: How do I become the vessel of Unconditional Love?

Charisma:  See, according to me, there are stages of soul evolution.

First stage is Forgiveness, second stage  Detachment, then the third stage is Enlightenment and after that, the last stage is Unconditional Love..

Because during the course of forgiving yourself, you will realize that your own expectations, desires have hurt you. Then you move on to next stage to meditate and work on Detachment. That means to be unaffected by various influences of life.

After you are detached, you get the awareness and view everything from a higher perspective. Your mind is in perfect sync with higher energies leading to Enlightenment. Since your ego mind has dissolved after being enlightened, your heart then opens to spread wings of love & compassion everywhere because  you have understood and realised that everyone including criminals are also Divine Perfect Unique Creation…

You may wonder what’s the difference between criminals & pious people when everyone is Divine Perfect Unique Creation.. There is a thin difference. Pious people work with higher mind, they think and do things in awareness, and in awareness one spreads only love, joys, laughter and happiness because when you are awakened, you work with soul or spirit within. Soul is nothing but God and God is Love. Whereas criminals work with lower mind which is influenced by societal conditioning, or which has accumulated all negative thoughts and emotions like greed, ego, insecurity, jealousy,  etc.

Manas: So unconditional love is not a sign of weakness..? Can you get angry sometimes even when in unconditional love?

Charisma:  Actually you will never get angry once you have practiced Detachment which is second stage. Unconditional love is fourth stage. I have mentioned the four stages above.

If, you have lost control & got angry that’s not unconditional love. However when you are angry with awareness, like we do with kids that’s unconditional love. Because we have a duty towards Divine for proper upbringing of children.

Sometimes as a parent or a teacher you have to show your anger just to discipline children, because that’s the foremost responsibility of a parent or teacher. We have to mould the kids to be a good human being,  so that they serve the humanity and make this world a beautiful and safe place.

Same logic can be applied for a judge dealing with the punishments of the criminals. A judge is aware and detached while deciding the punishments of the criminals.

Manas: Nicely explained..

Charisma: To end with, you can detach yourself with worldly desires only when you have attached yourself with your own soul. This is possible through Daily persistent meditation. Actually all you need to do is to fetch 20 – 30 minutes daily to meditate and bond with your soul.

You see, when we give quality time daily to our near and dear ones, the love, trust and respect for you are automatically instilled in your loved ones. Right? Similarly when we give half an hour time daily for meditation, we bond with our soul within, the qualities of forgiveness, detachment and unconditional love are subtly instilled within us. We not only radiate those qualities but we also emit the fragrance of soul.

Our life too becomes easy and a blissful experience because we are enlightened and aware of our choices, thoughts, feelings, emotions and decisions.

So, push yourself to  meditate daily for 20-30 minutes. A day will come when you are always in meditative state 24×7 every day.

In fact meditation becomes your personality. Again, it happens gradually but requires daily commitment, patience and faith.

Manas: Woww…These concepts are very deep… Thank you for clarifying.

Many thanks.. Gratitude



Manas Dutta


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